It's a Sanctified Sunday Sampler. We're taking a look into Nikki's woes. What happens when you don't have a personal relationship with God? What happens when you question His very existence? Will He hear your prayers?
An Excerpt from BeJeweled: What A Tangled Web We Weave
Chapter: Prayers Unheard
Her shoulders shook with anguish as she contemplated the day. Her simple decision to enjoy a day to herself had turned into a nightmare. The entire salon crew had witnessed her husband’s drunken rage and her subsequent embarrassment. Wesley had been hurt by her decision to go after her husband and refuse his assistance. And she knew her husband was livid and wanted nothing more at the moment than to place his fingers around her neck and squeeze tightly and slowly.
Nikki wondered if Carlos had seen her with Wesley and drawn his own crazy conclusion. She wondered if he had seen Wesley preparing to defend her honor. Maybe that’s why he was so angry, she thought. No one had ever given him a chance to explain himself, and they definitely had not given the two of them the chance to talk. Who did they think they were, anyway? This was her life, and no one had to live it but her.
Nikki sunk down on her knees the way she had seen her own mother do and clasped her hands together. She sighed, feeling stupid for talking to someone she could not see. She decided to pray inside of her head.
Lord, are You real? Do You hear me? Cuz if You are, how come You’re never there for me? I mean…I know Mama, Mrs. O, and Wes believes in You, but I don’t know what to think. I mean, I feel like I’m still being punished. Okay, so I got pregnant at 16 and dropped out of school and had an abortion. But if You know anything, You know it was for the best. With Mama working two jobs to take care of me and my sister, Yamile, I couldn’t bring a child in on her. She could barely take care of us. Besides, I was wild back then and I didn’t know who the father was. But I’ve changed now, I’m not the same person I used to be. So why are You still punishing me for that? Why is my life such a disaster? All I ever wanted was to be loved. This was not the life I envisioned for myself. I wanted a husband and children and a normal life. I didn’t want all this violence. I’m so tired of it. So tired. Why can’t You just make Carlos okay again? Why can’t You help us have a normal life? Why did You give us so much pain, God?
Nikki shed the tears that had built up throughout the years, tears no one had ever seen, not even her husband. Tears for a pregnancy she had terminated, tears for her past promiscuous behavior, tears for a failed marriage, and tears for lost hopes and dreams.
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