A quick little untruth here. A twist of the truth there. Keeping this to yourself for the time being. We've all done it. Right? But do secrets in the relationship hurt it or help it sometimes? It's time for Relationship Real Talk.
“I only spent $50 on that ball cap last week. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” “I forgot to pay the light bill last week, I’ll just pay it this week. He doesn’t need to know.” “I went out for lunch this week, even though we agreed to not spend unnecessarily. He won’t even know.” “I ran into my ex yesterday and we had drinks, but it’s better if I sweep that under the rug. She’ll just get jealous if she finds out.”
These are just the little secrets here and there that won’t hurt anyone, especially if they’re taken care of on the back end. Or will they? Those little white lies that some find so easy to tell, those carefully covered details that are twisted to deter your significant other from finding out the truth will come back to haunt you.
It doesn’t matter if the other person learns the secret or not. It will haunt you. When you look at the mirror and deal with the true person hidden there, your conscious or in some cases the Holy Spirit will convict you of your wrong-doing.
“Well, it’s only $5 spent on the earrings I really wanted,” you say. Yes, but if the two of you agreed to not spend any extra money that $5 extra dollars becomes an untruth that sets up to fester between the two of you like an untreated sore.
Where you’re seeing it as only $5 or some other trivial matter, it’s a bigger matter than you realize. Truthfully, if you’re willing to hide a small matter it’s easy to hide something larger that you know will create problems. Those little white lies become like landmines in a relationship. You’ll have to constantly step over them, and carefully cover your tracks to make sure they’re not uncovered and blow up on you. That’s done by telling another lie and another.
“Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” I’ve heard this saying by older women telling younger women to keep certain things to yourself and never disclose everything to your man. Well, that saying is taken from the Bible and completely twisted to suit their own purposes.
The scripture reads “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matthew 6:3 NIV. The scripture that many use for their own purposes was a set of specific instructions Jesus gave about our hearts. When we’re practicing acts of righteousness we should do it from a place of love and obedience, not so that others may see, or to receive praise from others. It has nothing to do with hiding secrets in the relationship.
When you’re tempted to be dishonest in the relationship, no matter how trivial or large the matter ask yourself a few questions.
Why is it that you cannot be honest?
How will your significant other feel if he learns what you’re doing?
Reverse the roles and ask yourself how you would feel if he were to hide a secret from you, no matter how trivial.
What impact will the secret have on the relationship if he uncovers it?
If you often feel the need to create diversionary tactics or hide secrets in the relationship, perhaps it’s time for you to reevaluate the relationship, or yourself.
Do you believe there are times when secrets in the relationship are justified? Share below...
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