I kicked the week off with a motivational message on Monday for women and how we deal with our afflictions. Today is #writerwednesday and I'm following up on that message with a piece from my girl.
She's one of my characters, Ambiance Lorraine Caldwell, and she's talking about the affliction that she has been burdened with: an unfaithful husband and an unfaithful heart. She's keeping it real and raw, about how she lost herself and fell away from her relationship with Christ because of her affliction. If you've dealt with this burden or know someone who has, or if you've ever been tempted, join us...
It's Ambiance here and I just want to sit down and chat with you for a moment or two. I've had a heavy heart, and trying to hold it all inside and keep my secrets to myself have become too much for me to bear. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to unload my afflictions with you.
Let me start off by saying, I never meant for things to get so out of hand the way that they did. I did not set out to have an adulterous heart, and I did not set out to justify my actions by the wrong my husband was doing. It happened because I had made Eric my entire world. After all, isn't that what a woman was supposed to do? I did everything by the book, saved myself for marriage, submitted to my husband, and trusted him to lead me in the right direction as the head of my life. It still didn't stop my entire marriage from being a farce!
So, Eric and I met in my last year of college when I was home from UGA on Christmas vacation. I had dated other guys, but I knew the man who was getting my body, would be my husband. Why? Because my daddy and step-mother raised me to keep the cookies locked in the cookie jar until I said "I Do."
Now, I know many women say you need to test it out and all of that stuff, but not me. I trusted God to give me everything that I needed and wanted as a woman in my husband. I'm not just talking about a good provider and someone who loved me. I'm talking about someone who could put it down in the bed and please me, too. God gave me that. It wasn't God who failed me, it was my husband.
Eric started cheating from the first year. We didn't even get into the marriage well, before he started jumping in bed with this trick named, Kendra. I'm sorry, but I don't have patience for a woman who doesn't have enough confidence in herself to get her own man. My friend, Paige included, but that's another story...literally.
Anyway, we tried to get help. I did everything that I could think of to please my man, including not nagging him and being a freak in the bedroom. It just wasn't enough. Eric was bound and determined that one woman would not be enough to satisfy him. I thought we survived the first year after counseling, but not long after he was up to his old tricks again.
I couldn't keep that man out of the strip clubs nor out of Kendra's bed. He told me every lie he could think of and I fell for them, because I wanted my marriage to work. I knew the truth. I knew that he wasn't hanging out with his brothers late nights until the early mornings. I knew he wasn't working late on some case, even if he was a practicing attorney.
I prayed and prayed and prayed, and I read the Word of God. I declared and decreed everything I could think of. Finally, I got fed up with that man and I got fed up with God. He wasn't answering my prayers so my career became everything. I worked my butt off during the day at Vanilla Rose, the fashion boutique I worked at. And I worked my butt off at night on my own fashion consulting business, Bleu Diamante Fashions. My world revolved around my work and I was available when and if Eric needed me, because he was quickly forgetting I was his wife. He was no longer available to perform his husbandly duties, or he was too tired to do so. So, if he wasn't doing that, you know he wasn't giving me emotional support.
Women, I don't care what you say, we want to feel love, desired, and beautiful. We want a man to look at us when we pass by like he can't live without us. We want a man's head to turn even if we're with our man. We want to be wanted, bottom line!
So when he stepped to me and I know I wasn't on my A-game that day, I was all for it. Now don't get me wrong, I played it like I wasn't interested. But from day one I could not get that man out of my head. He was so sexy and good-looking. His grooming was on point, and he drove a nice ride! I decided one day to go to lunch with him, even though I told him I was only interested in friendship. I stood my ground on that for a long time. I had to know that at some point I would fall.
When a man pays you the attention your husband doesn't, and he's never to busy to talk to you day or night; when he accepts your calls in the wee hours of the night, because you're scared from being home alone; when he talks to you on the ride home and on the ride to work; and when he's the last voice you hear as you lay down in your empty bed at night; and when he makes you feel you're the axis of his world...you can't help but fall head over heels in love.
That my ladies, is how I fell into an emotional affair with Nicholas "Nick" Jackson. It was not an easy entanglement. He wanted to show me what it really felt like to be loved, but he was always a gentleman. Even when I was angry at Eric, he would advise me as a friend in a way that I knew was in the best interest of my marriage. He always kept it real with me, and told me that eventually I'd have to tell Eric about him.
I thought I had it all together until that fateful day that we had lunch at Flaming Rio. Everything changed, and my world would never be the same again. Ladies, if you find yourselves in such a situation, the desire to feel that attraction from a man can be tempting and overwhelming. I simply suggest you tie up your loose ends first. Be real with yourself, stay prayed up, and stay in the Scriptures. When the Word of God says, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour," that's the Truth! That's first Peter five, verse eight.
My life, my soul, and my world was devoured in one single day. It did not matter if I was only engaging in an emotional affair, it still led to more, and it always will. There's no way around it, so don't trick yourselves.
The main message I want you to get out of all of this is, if your marriage is afflicted, don't give up on God. He might not answer when you want Him to, but He has a plan, and He'll step in just in the 'nick' of time. Pun intended. ;)
I wish that I had waited on the Lord. If I had I would not have created the catastrophe I found myself in, nor would I have experienced the tragedy that was on its way. All I wanted was to be free of the nightmare. Yes, I simply wanted someone to say, "Woman, be free."
Thanks for joining me for another #writerwednesday. Please leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you!
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About Chelle Ramsey...
Women's fiction author and blogger, Chelle Ramsey brings a refreshing perspective into the lives of her readers and wants them to find entertainment, healing and inspiration in each novel. Using real problems and challenges faced by ordinary people, Chelle wants readers to become empowered to rise above life's adversities, with faith in God, and belief in themselves.
Her stories are relatable to individuals of diverse demographics, who have suffered a loss, been hurt, have low self-esteem, have lost hope, or need a word of encouragement. She strives to take your emotions on a roller coaster ride, one page at a time. Chelle holds an MBA in Human Resource Management, which she puts to use in her Human Resources role by day, while she writes her fiction novels at night. And in her spare time, she’s a blogger, freelance writer, and ghostwriter.
Her most important roles are those of a wife and mother of three. During her “me time,” she becomes enraptured with the enthralling stories of Terry McMillan, Nora Roberts, James Patterson and Stuart Woods. Chelle Ramsey resides in a rural community in Atlanta, Georgia and enjoys writing, family time, and watching NBA games.
She hosts the annual 20 Days of Love authors’ blogging campaign, March Madness authors’ giveaways campaign, and showcases other authors on her blog at www.chelleramsey.com/beautifully-inspired-blog. Her novels can be found online at Chelle Ramsey Amazon.
Inspirational women's fiction author, writing the script to my beautifully inspired life!
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