Loving After I Do...
It's relationship Thursday and I want to talk marriages this week. We fall in love with that special someone and we plan our special day to dedicate our lives to them forever. Several months or years later, you can't stand his shadow, let alone his funky drawers! (Record scratch...) Read on...
Anyone who has ever been married knows it takes some serious work. By work, I mean work on you...It's not always roses and romance, and you're not going to always like him. But guess what? He's not always going to like you either.
There will be times when the two of you cannot agree on a single thing. You feel as if you're always going through a gamut of emotions when you're dealing with one another, or the relationship has become combative. I believe these are times for growth opportunities in the marriage. Apparently you or him, or both are changing in some way.
Do you believe that change can be productive or counterproductive in a marriage? Is it necessary to change?
Use this as a time to promote positive communication. Find out what's going on in your spouse's heart and mind. What has him taking the stance he's taking, and why are you taking the stance you're taking.
Then take a moment to consider how it might impact you or the marriage if you were to compromise in this area. Trust me, there will be times when you might feel you're compromising more than you should.
You feel like it isn't fair. In the overall scheme of things, will the compromise really break you...or will it bring peace to your marriage? Get out of your emotions, and keep it real.
Who does the most compromising in your marriage or relationship?
Protect & Nurture...
I think one of the most important lessons to learn is protect and nurture your relationship. Protect your marriage from external forces (anything other than you and him), and nurture your marriage. One of the worst mistakes that I have seen people make is sharing their marital issues with family and friends.
Do not go putting your husband on blast to your family. First, you're giving them fodder for gossip, if they're the gossiping type (mine is). Second, if he does or says something that upsets them, they will continue to hold that against your spouse, long after you have forgiven them.
You're upset now, but you will get over it eventually. Work through your problems with your husband, and if you need some cooling down time...take it! If you need to talk to anyone, talk to him after you calm down, and pray if you need to get it out before dealing with your husband.
Nurturing your relationship comes along with protection, but it also comes along with speaking words of encouragement to your spouse. It shows itself in speaking life into your marriage when you face turbulent times, and even in the good times. Don't allow your mind to linger on the negative aspects, but learn and grow from them.
Focus on those areas that are weak and strive to build them up. My husband is really good at this, I still struggle. (Keeping it real!). He takes time to discuss those areas to see where "we" went wrong. More often than not, the "we" is me, but he takes it on, as well. He refuses to allow me to carry the baggage on my own. Then he maps out a plan for how we grow from here, but what I will say is, if you don't address how you got to a specific stage in the first place, it's impossible to grow from there.
What do you think about seeking marital advice from a best friend or family member? Are there times they can be trusted?
Most Admired Celeb Couple...
I tweeted that the celeb couple that I most admire would be Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance, and asked my followers to name their most admired celeb couple. The ironic thing about this was I posed that same question to my husband, and they were the same couple he chose. We had never discussed this.
We both chose them, because they are the depiction of protect and nurture. In their 20 years of marriage, we have never seen negative posts about them. We have never heard an argument or anything derogatory. In the heart of Hollywood, where drama and scandal abounds you don't see them splashed across social media or the tabloids. This isn't to say that they don't have issues, but they definitely keep it in house.
They are both amazing actors in their own right, and they shine without taking up one another's spotlight. From what we can tell, they build each other strong, and when they discuss one another it's with the highest level of respect, love, and admiration. They recently celebrated 20 years of marriage in October. Way to go!
Who's your most admired celeb couple and why?
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About Chelle Ramsey...
Women's fiction author and blogger, Chelle Ramsey brings a refreshing perspective into the lives of her readers and wants them to find entertainment, healing and inspiration in each novel. Using real problems and challenges faced by ordinary people, Chelle wants readers to become empowered to rise above life's adversities, with faith in God, and belief in themselves.
Her stories are relatable to individuals of diverse demographics, who have suffered a loss, been hurt, have low self-esteem, have lost hope, or need a word of encouragement. She strives to take your emotions on a roller coaster ride, one page at a time. Chelle holds an MBA in Human Resource Management, which she puts to use in her Human Resources role by day, while she writes her fiction novels at night. And in her spare time, she’s a blogger, freelance writer, and ghostwriter.
Her most important roles are those of a wife and mother of three. During her “me time,” she becomes enraptured with the enthralling stories of Terry McMillan, Nora Roberts, James Patterson and Stuart Woods. Chelle Ramsey resides in a rural community in Atlanta, Georgia and enjoys writing, family time, and watching NBA games.
She hosts the annual 20 Days of Love authors’ blogging campaign, March Madness authors’ giveaways campaign, and showcases other authors on her blog at www.chelleramsey.com/beautifully-inspired-blog. Her novels can be found online at Chelle Ramsey Amazon.
When I see blogs on this topic I usually have something to say but don't. Why? because I have been married twice and feel like who wants to hear from someone who has been married (past tense) and plus they are always written from the standpoint of making a marriage work. While I do stand firm in me choosing to end the marriages as one of the best decisions that I have made I admire the union of marriage and have not lost hope for it. It is just not the most important thing to me in my life.
11/15/2017 01:37:22 pm
Thanks for speaking up regardless of how many times you've been married. I believe that you would definitely have something to contribute to these type conversations, because you can share with so many women what works and what doesn't work. Giving an alternative perspective, especially when you're not cynical on marriage, will be helpful for many women who're trying to figure out the kinks, or may even be on the brink of giving up.
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